Understanding My Teen
EARLY ADOLESCENCE, 10 - 14 YEARS
LEARNING ABOUT SEXUAL FEELINGS AND ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS
Early adolescence is a significant period in youth development that is marked by several physical, emotional, and social changes. With the onset of puberty, many teens begin to experience sexual feelings and start to understand and navigate newly emerging sexual identities. This is a time when adolescents often start to feel attracted to others. As their bodies change, teens may become more concerned about their physical appearance and the mechanics of personal expression as it relates to their physical maturation. Fundamentally, early adolescence is a formative period for the development of interpersonal skills and personal boundaries. Without proper guidance and education, teens can sometimes act on impulse and engage in risky behavior. Understanding and accepting one's evolving sexuality is an important part of adolescence and it is vital for caregivers, educators, and society at large to provide accurate information and safe, supportive environments for young people to navigate these changes.
ADJUST TO A NEW PHYSICAL SENSE OF SELF
Rapid and profound physical changes are normal in early adolescence as the body adapts to new hormones. The exact timing and nature of these changes can vary widely and are influenced by a variety of factors, including genetics and overall health.
Changes to expect during early puberty:
- Accelerated physical growth; including but not limited to increases in body fat and/or muscle mass, and height.
- The start of menstruation (menarche) or the growth of the testes and penis, and the production of sperm.
- Fluctuation in mood.
- Adolescents often place increasing importance on their peer relationships during puberty. This increased self-focus can contribute to the development of body image issues and self-esteem issues as it is common to worry about fitting in and being "normal."
Brain Development
Something important to point out is that this increase of communication across the brain provides the foundation for the development of the “higher level executive functioning” skills. What’s an executive function skill and why is it important for teens?
Planning ahead. Strategizing. Organizing. Logical reasoning. Weighing risks and rewards. Making judgments. Making decisions. Working memory. Regulating moods. Managing impulses.
Teens are often drawn to emotional intensity (thrills, excitement, adventures, risk-taking) – activities like snowboarding off a roof! This can bring with it: RISKIER BEHAVIORS. Young people do understand the risk of these behaviors (research has shown this) but they often assess risks and benefits differently than adults.
- What’s top for early adolescents? Fitting in, feeling normal with normal being their friends. Having fun.
- They analyze the risks and benefits of behaviors differently than we do and assess their personal level of risk. Think about drinking at a party. What are the positive and negative consequences from adult and teen perspective?
| Adults | Teens | |
| Fitting in | Not very important | Really important |
| Having fun | Can have fun other ways | Really important to have fun like my friends do. |
| Getting pregnant, crashing a car, losing place on sports team | Big issue, life changing, AVOID AT ALL COSTS | Not good but it didn’t happen to me last time (last 5 times) I drank, so I must be immune. |
Add to all of this that teens are often inconsistent in planning & reasoning (those are skills they are learning). Also, teens are learning how to CONTROL EMOTIONS: Think of the teen who spews verbal emotional venom at you and then can’t tell you why. Along with emotions are 2 related signs: Being impulsive and focused on self (we’ve heard that before!) – This self-focus makes it hard for them to think about the effects of their behavior on other people. They look like they’re selfish and rude. But thinking of others requires insight, and insight requires a fully developed brain (still working on that one)
Just to be clear about brain development, it’s not about teens being unable to control their emotions and always making bad decisions, impulsive, self-focused. Instead, teens can control emotions, impulses, behaviors but just not routinely, consistently. They are still learning, and they really need PRACTICE!
All Bodies
- Hair begins to grow in various parts of the body including the pubic region, under the arms, and on the face, legs, and chest.
- The skin, especially on the face, can become oilier. This can sometimes lead to acne.
- Puberty can occur earlier or later in some individuals, the timing and rate at which these changes occur can vary significantly from person to person. It's perfectly normal for two people of the same age to be at very different stages of development.
- There is no correlation between cognitive development and physical maturation (e.g., youth who look physically older do not necessarily have higher levels of cognitive ability).
Adolescents Assigned Male at Birth*
- Physical growth spurts begin between the ages of 11 and 14.
- The testes and penis increase in size and begin to produce sperm.
- The voice box, or larynx, grows, causing the voice to become deeper.
Adolescents Assigned Female at Birth*
- Physical growth spurts begin between the ages of 8 to 13.
- The breasts start to grow and develop. The vulva (external parts of the female genitalia) also grows and changes during puberty.
- The menstrual cycle is a major aspect of puberty and is regulated by hormones, it often starts in early adolescence. Menstruation is when blood and tissue from the uterus are discharged through the vagina.
*The concepts of "gender" and "sex" are often used interchangeably in everyday language, however, they have distinct meanings. Sex is typically defined in terms of biology. It refers to the physiological differences between male and female bodies. Unlike the binary concept often associated with sex, gender exists on a spectrum. People might identify as male, female, both, neither, or somewhere along the spectrum. The terms "Assigned Female at Birth" and "Assigned Male at Birth" are used to acknowledge that gender is not solely determined by one's anatomy at birth.
Additionally, intersex is a term used to describe variations in sex characteristics in someone who does not fit typical binary notions of male or female bodies. This variation can involve chromosomes, gonads, hormone levels, and/or anatomical structures. Intersex folks may experience any combination of physical changes during puberty.
MIDDLE ADOLESCENCE, 15 - 17 YEARS
ADJUST TO PHYSICAL CHANGES
By middle adolescence, many teenagers have progressed significantly in puberty. Many adolescents start exploring their bodies and their sexual responses more intensely during this stage. This is a critical period for identity exploration, and it is normal for adolescents to experience internal conflicts as they seek to understand who they are. Therefore, middle adolescence is an important time for teenagers to be embraced for their unique qualities and strengths. Providing positive feedback helps teens understand that everyone grows and develops at their own pace.
Changes to expect during middle adolescence:
- A continuation of physical changes brought on by puberty.
- Increased hunger and need for rest.
- Concerns about body image and physical appearance. Adolescents may experiment with different roles, activities, and behaviors to figure out who they are while navigating bodily changes.
- Many adolescents start exploring their bodies and their sexual responses more intensely.
DEVELOP AND APPLY ABSTRACT THINKING SKILLS
During Middle Adolescence, teens are increasingly able to:
- Think in more abstract, theoretical, and philosophical ways. They can understand and manipulate ideas, symbols, and concepts that are removed from their direct experience.
- Move from a more black-and-white view of morality to consider the nuances and complexities in moral situations.
- Grasp and discuss intangible concepts like love, faith, justice, and freedom in depth.
- Approach problems in multiple ways, predict potential outcomes, and devise more complex strategies for problem-solving.
Sometimes, the gap between this newly developed thinking capability and a lack of life experience can lead to decisions that adults might view as lacking in practicality or foresight. This can lead to more argumentativeness as adolescents try out their new cognitive skills. Nonetheless, supporting adolescents as they develop abstract thinking skills is crucial. Recognize that part of abstract thinking involves questioning established norms and beliefs. Instead of providing solutions immediately, let your teen think through the challenges they face. You can guide them by asking probing questions like, "What are the potential consequences of that choice?" or "Can you think of another way to approach this?
Remember: physical development and the ability to think abstractly are often not in sync with each other. Adults often get mixed up on this point.
Brain Development
Brain development is top discussion these days. That’s because there’s lot of change in the teen brain starting at puberty. The brain grows. There are more brain cells (neurons) and they connect better, they transfer information quicker and more efficiently. The growth is in all areas of the brain, so the communication across the brain improves. The brain is like a muscle, the areas that get used grow stronger, and the ones that don’t get used disappear. This growth happens for quite a while. It is not complete until somewhere in ages 25 -30.
Something important to point out is that this increase of communication across the brain provides the foundation for the development of the “higher level executive functioning” skills. What’s an executive function skill and why is it important for teens?
Planning ahead. Strategizing. Organizing. Logical reasoning. Weighing risks and rewards. Making judgments. Making decisions. Working memory. Regulating moods. Managing impulses.
Teens are often drawn to emotional intensity (thrills, excitement, adventures, risk-taking) – activities like snowboarding off a roof! This can bring with it: RISKIER BEHAVIORS. Young people do understand the risk of these behaviors (research has shown this) but they often assess risks and benefits differently than adults.
- What’s top for early adolescents? Fitting in, feeling normal with normal being their friends. Having fun.
- They analyze the risks and benefits of behaviors differently than we do and assess their personal level of risk. Think about drinking at a party. What are the positive and negative consequences from adult and teen perspective?
| Adults | Teens | |
| Fitting in | Not very important | Really important |
| Having fun | Can have fun other ways | Really important to have fun like my friends do. |
| Getting pregnant, crashing a car, losing place on sports team | Big issue, life changing, AVOID AT ALL COSTS | Not good but it didn’t happen to me last time (last 5 times) I drank, so I must be immune. |
Males
- Start their physical growth spurt 1 or 2 years after girls and is slower.
- They continue to grow for about 6 years after starting with the first puberty changes.
- Their physical development keeps going 3 to 4 years after most girls; may not finish until turning 21.
Females
- Start their physical growth and puberty about 1 to 2 years before boys do.
- They reach their adult height and reproductive maturity about 4 years after the first puberty changes appear.
Both
- Girls and boys are both starting to develop at earlier ages than ever.
- Since some teens start developing very early and other very late, there is a wide range of normality.
- Physical, emotional and thinking development are often not in sync with each other.
LATE ADOLESCENCE, 18 - 24 YEARS
The process of becoming an adult is more gradual and varied today than in the past. Young people take longer to achieve economic and psychological autonomy and early adulthood experiences vary greatly by gender, race and ethnicity, and social class.
This is a time of life when very little is normative. It is a period of frequent change and exploration that covers many aspects of their life: home, family, work, school, resources, and role.
GET TO KNOW TEEN FRIENDS AND THEIR PARENTS
Adjust to Physical and Emotional Changes
One of the biggest changes teens have to deal with is creating a sense of sexuality. This means developing a sexual orientation, dealing with new sexual feelings, and responding to how others view and react to their sexuality changes. They have to ask themselves what it means to be sexual, what to do and with whom. Teens figure out their sexuality by trying it out. They experiment by asking questions, changing their way of dressing, and acting on new physical sensations.
They also have to develop skills for romantic relationships. How to attract a partner, and manage and get out of relationships. Their relationships change frequently and there is a lot of drama in it. We have to remember that they are developing new skills, their brain is more emotional and it’s all new. During late adolescence teens are feeling in between – figuring out what it means to be in relationship as adult. Young adults are more serious about what they want in a relationship. Usually, they already know their sexual identity and most have had a sexual experience.
ADJUST TO A NEW PHYSICAL SENSE OF SELF
During this stage, body changes are mostly complete. However, teen men may keep growing physically until turning 21. At this stage teens have a greater acceptance of their bodies and appearance.
Nothing! For young adults nothing is normal. All they know, all the things they count on – change. At the same time, we adults think that much of this change is completed. They’ve made it. Wrong! This is stage of adolescence is characterize by real changes in life. Some of the changes that young people experience as they transition out of high school and on into their early 20’s are: Where they live, What they do – school, work, Relationships – now they interact much more with adults (in school, at work, where they live) – not so age segregated as before. There is no rite of passage to tell them that they’ve “made it.” It’s up to them to figure it out.
DEVELOP & APPLY ABSTRACT THINKING SKILLS
- Understand and grapple with things that cannot be seen, heard, or touched. Topics such as faith, love, trust, beliefs, peace, racism, as well as higher mathematics.
- Think about possibilities – thinking about multiple options and possibilities (the age-old “what if…?” questions).
- Think ahead.
- Think about thinking –the ability to understand another person’s perspective.
Youth evolve from:
- There’s only 1 perspective – mine (concrete thinker/early abstract thinker).
- There are 2 perspectives – mine and yours, but I can only think about 1 at a time (some skills in abstract thought).
- There are multiple perspectives and I can think about all of them (full abstract thought).
- At this age, teens have practiced and got abstract thinking down. They are able to find ways to organize all their ideas, to identify values and viewpoints that work better for oneself, while respecting that other viewpoints may fit better for others.
- Now, they can see many right answers to a problem and apply one abstract idea to other situations.
Late adolescents are the most idealistic.
Remember: physical development and ability to think abstractly are often not in sync with each other. Adults often get mixed up on this point.
Something important to point out is that this increase in communication across the brain provides the foundation for the development of the “higher level executive functioning” skills. What’s an executive function skill and why is it important for teens?
Planning. Strategizing. Organizing. Logical reasoning. Weighing risks and rewards. Making judgments. Making decisions. Working memory. Regulating moods. Managing impulses.
Teens are often drawn to emotional intensity (thrills, excitement, adventures, risk-taking) – activities like snowboarding off a roof! This can bring with it: RISKIER BEHAVIORS. Young people do understand the risk of these behaviors (research has shown this) but they often assess risks and benefits differently than adults.
- What’s top for early adolescents? Fitting in, feeling normal with normal being their friends. Having fun.
- They analyze the risks and benefits of behaviors differently than we do and assess their level of risk. Think about drinking at a party. What are the positive and negative consequences from adult and teen perspectives?
| Adults | Teens | |
| Fitting in | Not very important | Really important |
| Having fun | Can have fun other ways | Really important to have fun like my friends do. |
| Getting pregnant, crashing a car, losing place on sports team | Big issue, life changing, AVOID AT ALL COSTS | Not good but it didn’t happen to me last time (last 5 times) I drank, so I must be immune. |
Add to all of this that teens are often inconsistent in planning & reasoning (those are skills they are learning). Also, teens are learning how to CONTROL EMOTIONS: Think of the teen who spews verbal emotional venom at you and then can’t tell you why. Along with emotions are 2 related signs: Being impulsive and focused on self (we’ve heard that before!) – This self-focus makes it hard for them to think about the effects of their behavior on other people. They look like they’re selfish and rude. But thinking of others requires insight, and insight requires a fully developed brain (still working on that one)
Just to be clear about brain development, it’s not about teens being unable to control their emotions and always making bad decisions, impulsive, self-focused. Instead, teens can control emotions, impulses, behaviors but just not routinely, consistently. They are still learning, and they really need PRACTICE!